The Real Reason
by Harvey the Wonder Hamster
Summary: They say they have no sexual tension. Chapter 2 is commentary. Rated T because I'm cool like that. Crack-fic. Written for humor.
1. Chapter 1

So..I am really, really bored. To amuse myself (and you if I decide to post it and you are desperate enough to read it) here is a random crackfic, oneshot, thingymabob...yeah, um, I'm gonna stop talking now, er, typing? I think? On with the story!

It was a quiet, uneventful day in the castle of Hogwarts..er, school of Hogwarts. Just kidding. Seriously, when is it quiet in Hogwarts? Anyway, in the Gryffindor common room, Mr. and Mr. Fred and George Weasely were being their usual selves, Harry, and Ron were playing wizarding chess, Hermione was, of course, playing strip poker. Again, kidding, she was actually reading a book, and Ginny was doing her potions homework for the ugly bat, with other random, unmetioned people milling around. This is where our story (crackfic) begins.

"Hermione, what do you know about...you know what? Never mind." Harry looked up at Ron in a funny manner. Hermione looked up from her book and tilted her head.

"Ron, what do I know about what? It's politically incorrect to start a question and then not finish it. How can you learn something if you don't ask questions?" She sounded horrified at the concept. Ron looked a little annoyed at Hermione. Harry sighed deeply.

"Sorry Hermione I'm not a know-it-all like you! Apparently, I'm also not a politically correct person!" Hermione narrowed her eyes in a 'Oh-no-you-didn't' way.

"Well, Ronald, it's common sense and tact, which apparently, you don't have. Now, what's your question?" Ron glared at the table and slammed his knight down. "Hey!" Harry was, of course, ignored.

"I changed my mind. Okay? And-"

"Oh, like you have a mind to change. The only thing you change is what you eat."

"Oh, yeah! Well-"

"Children, children, please.." Fred (or George?) said sitting on the couch.

"Keep it down. It's difficult to plan successful pranks when there's naughty children fighting." George sighed, looking at Ron and Hermione like they were hippos playing leapfrog. Fred shook his head.

"Haven't you guys heard the whole 'World Peace' idea?"

":And Ronniekins is so smart he has two brains. One's lost and the other one is looking for it!" George looked quite proud of his both-erm, I mean, brother. Hermione looked flustered and glared at them.

"What do you guys know about world peace? All you two do is cause chaos! It's not my fault Ron is a politically incorrect person and has no tact." Harry looked back and forth between everyone and decided to speak up.

"Guys-"

"No! Stay out of this Harry! I know you like Ron better than me and you're going to take his side so just don't say anything!" Hermione glared at Harry, looking near tears. Harry visibly flinched and wisely stayed quiet,  
knowing the wrath of The Bush (aka Crazy Brown haired chick(aka Hermione)).

"Hermione, just because I changed my mind about something doesn't mean that you can just explode! There's no need to be such...such, an overeactive girl! You're always crying or reading and when you're not doing that, you're studying for some exam that's months away! So why don't you shut up and stop agruing and picking fights with everyone you see!" Even Ginny looked up at Ron's angry rant. Fred whistled lowly into the stunned silence.

"Never knew you had it in you Ron. Never knew..." He trailed off at Hermione's killer glare. She slammed her book shut and stood up dramatically, glaring daggers at Ron who was too mad to understand that he should be cowering in fear. Her voice got dangerously low and quiet.

"Ronald Weasely, if you would stop being an ignorant, selfish prat for two seconds, then maybe you would realize that you're the one who started this agruement. You are so sexist, thinking that girls are overeactive and emotional when you're being a hypocrite, doing those very things you accused girls of being. I just wanted you to finish your question. There was no need to react in the childish way you did." She stood there, glaring at Ron, who was deflated from her insults (assuming he knew what she meant).

"Wow, Gred and I, we knew there was some sort of sexual tension between you guys..." Hermione looked appalled and Ron glared at them intensely, showing his hate through his eyes.

"But this is more than even WE knew about. And we know everything." Fred nodded, supporting his other half. Ginny rolled her eyes.

"Too bad you can't remember it all." She muttered to herself. Harry grinned and nodded his head, while everyone one else ignored it or didn't hear the sentence.

"Th-T-There isn't any...any s-sexual tension-n between me and Hermione!" Ron sputtered. Ginny snickered.

"Hermione and I." Hermione corrected absentmindly, staring at the twins in disbelief. Then she seemed to snap out of it and shook her head.

"Stupid as he is" She annoyingly at Ron, " he's right. There is absolutely is no sexual tension, nor will there ever be." Fred raised an eyebrow and looked at George, who shook his head. Fred smirked at Hermione.

"So Ronniekins isn't attractive enough for you? Can't blame you, everyone knows who got the good looks in this family."

"Well, she must be desperate enough to see something in him because there's obviously some sexual tension between them." Fred nodded and added to his brother's statement.

"Quite a bit by the sound of it, too." Hermione looked like she was strangle them. She took a deep breath and said each word diliberately and slowly.

"There. Is. No. Sexual. Tension. Between. Ron. And. I." George looked back and forth between her and Ron before shaking his head.

"No, there IS sexual tension between you guys. You're just in denial." Ron started to speak.

"No there isn't!" Fred smirked his annoying smirk and nodded his head up and down.

"And now you're in denial about being in denial." Hermione looked like she was about to cry from frustration.

"We aren't in denial about being in denial!" The two twins laughed.

"And now you're in denial about being in denial about being in denial."

"Ughh! We are NOT in denial about being in denial about being in denial! And don't you dare say that we're in denial about being in denial about being in denial about being in denial!" She glared at them very intensely. They laughed again.

"If you say so..." They said together, making her make a sound like an angry cat.

"There is no sexual tension between me and Hermione." "Hermione and I" she corrected. "because I'm gay! I was gonna ask her what she knew about pleasuring a man!" Everyone except Harry and Ginny looked shocked at that. Ron stared at them, panting, for a moment before he clapped a hand over his mouth, eyes wide. Harry turned to Ginny.

"You knew?" She shrugged.

"He never told me but I say him checking out Flint's ass the one day. How did you know?" He shrugged.

"He's my roommate. I heard him moaning Sirius's name the one day..." He trailed off. She nodded understandingly.

"I've heard him too." Hermione slowly turned to Ron with tears in her eyes.

"You're gay...? You don't...like me? I'm not...not, attractive enough for you? I..." Ron looked uncomfortable.

"Sorry, Mione I just..." She glared at him, wiping away tears.

"Don't worry Ronald! I understand. You don't think I'm attractive enough. Let me guess, I'm SOO ugly that I made you swear off women, didn't ?"

"I-" Ron started but she had already grabbed her book and ran up the stairs, crying. Harry shook his head.

"Way to go Ron. We almost had two straight days without a fight." He went up the boy's staircase, muttering under his breath. Ginny stood up.

"I'm gonna go make sure she's alright, since this git made her cry..." Grabbing her potion's homework, she cast one more angry glance at Ron before running upstairs. The boys stared at each other for a moment in silence.

"Well, nice and awkward as this is, Feorge and me have to...wash our house elf. Excuse us." They too left Ron who stared at all the random, unmetioned people looking at him.

"Well, time to check out Malfoy, the sexy ferret."

TA DA! Okay, first I want everyone to know, I have nothing against homosexuals/bisexuals. Just so everyone knows that. I also, dissappointingly as it is, don't own the Harry Potter series. Sorry. So, there you have it. I'm going to do a commentary on this next chapte...so look out for that. Later!  



	2. Chapter 2

Because of my stupid computer, the bold isn't working properly. So, these little symbols ** will be me talking/typing/commenting. So, away we go!

It was a quiet, uneventful day in the castle of Hogwarts..er, school of Hogwarts. Just kidding. Seriously, when is it quiet in Hogwarts? *As far as I know, never* Anyway, in the Gryffindor common room, Mr. and Mr. Fred and George Weasely were being their usual selves, Harry, and Ron were playing wizarding chess, Hermione was, of course, playing strip poker. Again, kidding, she was actually reading a book, and Ginny was doing her potions homework for the ugly bat, with other random, unmetioned people milling around. This is where our story (crackfic) *I have no ideo what to call it* begins.

"Hermione, what do you know about...you know what? Never mind." Harry looked up at Ron in a funny manner. Hermione looked up from her book and tilted her head. *reminds me of a furry creature I know..*

"Ron, what do I know about what? It's politically incorrect *I couldn't resist* to start a question and then not finish it.*You know what offends me? Offended people* How can you learn something if you don't ask questions?" She sounded horrified at the concept. Ron looked a little *pfft, 'little'* annoyed at Hermione. Harry sighed deeply. *He's a deep person*

"Sorry Hermione I'm not a know-it-all like you! *Yeah, because THAT'S a new one* Apparently, I'm also not a politically correct person! *OHHH, he went there*" Hermione narrowed her eyes in a 'Oh-no-you-didn't' way.

"Well, Ronald, it's common sense and tact, which apparently, you don't have. *intense* Now, what's your question?" Ron glared at the table and slammed his knight *I considered putting that he slammed his pigmy maraset* down. "Hey!" *I should have put the knight here instead of Harry...* Harry was, of course, ignored. *Who doesn't ignore him?*

"I changed my mind. Okay? And-"

"Oh, like you have a mind to change. The only thing you change is what you eat *I was going to put his diaper but..that seemed a bit mean..then again, since when have I been nice?*."

"Oh, yeah! Well- *I'm sure that would have been a brilliant comeback* "

"Children, children, please.." Fred (or George?) *Only Ginny can tell them apart, I swear* said sitting on the couch.

"Keep it down. It's difficult to plan successful pranks when there's naughty children fighting. *innuendos* " George sighed, looking at Ron and Hermione like they were hippos playing leapfrog *WTF?* . Fred shook his head.

"Haven't you guys heard the whole 'World Peace' idea?"

":And Ronniekins is so smart he has two brains. One's lost and the other one is looking for it!" George looked quite proud of his both-erm, I mean, brother. *In my defense, Ron is annoying* Hermione looked flustered and glared at them.

"What do you guys know about world peace? All you two do is cause chaos! It's not my fault Ron is a politically incorrect person and has no tact." Harry looked back and forth between everyone *tennis!* and decided to speak up.

"Guys-"

"No! Stay out of this Harry! I know you like Ron better than me and you're going to take his side so just don't say anything!" Hermione glared at Harry, looking near tears. *emotional much?* Harry visibly flinched and wisely stayed quiet knowing the wrath of The Bush *notice the capitalism* (aka Crazy Brown haired chick(aka Hermione)).

"Hermione, just because I changed my mind about something doesn't mean that you can just explode! There's no need to be such...such, an overeactive girl! *OH NO he didn't* You're always crying or reading and when you're not doing that, you're studying for some exam that's months away! *Sounds famailiar* So why don't you shut up and stop agruing and picking fights with everyone you see!" Even Ginny looked up at Ron's angry rant. Fred whistled lowly into the stunned silence.

"Never knew you had it in you Ron. Never knew..." He trailed off at Hermione's killer *OH MY GOD SHE'S A MURDERER!* glare *Darn*. She slammed her book shut and stood up dramatically*sigh, oh the drama!* , glaring daggers at Ron who was too mad to understand that he should be cowering in fear. Her voice got dangerously low and quiet.

"Ronald Weasely, if you would stop being an ignorant, selfish *stupid, jerkish, mean, odd, overeactive* prat for two seconds *personally I thought it would take longer then that...maybe 10 days*, then maybe you would realize that you're the one who started this agruement. You are so sexist, thinking that girls are overeactive and emotional when you're being a hypocrite, doing those very things you accused girls of being. *HA, he's a chick!* I just wanted you to finish your question. There was no need to react in the childish way you did." She stood there, glaring at Ron, who was deflated from her insults (assuming he knew what she meant). *I don't like Ron*

"Wow, Gred and I, we knew there was some sort of sexual tension between you guys..." Hermione looked appalled and Ron glared at them intensely, showing his hate *RWARRR!* through his eyes.

"But this is more than even WE knew about. And we know everything." Fred nodded, supporting his other half. Ginny rolled her eyes.

"Too bad you can't remember it all." *OWNED!* She muttered to herself. Harry grinned and nodded his head, while everyone one else ignored it or didn't hear the sentence.

"Th-T-There *stutter, stutter, stutter* isn't any...any s-sexual tension-n between me and Hermione!" Ron sputtered. Ginny snickered.

"Hermione and I." Hermione corrected absentmindly, staring at the twins in disbelief. Then she seemed to snap out of it and shook her head. *Shake, shake, shake, shake, a shake it*

"Stupid as he is" She *glanced, I need to fix that...* annoyingly at Ron, " he's right. There is absolutely is no sexual tension, nor will there ever be." Fred raised an eyebrow and looked at George, who shook his head. Fred smirked at Hermione. *...that could be taken SOO many ways*

"So Ronniekins isn't attractive enough for you? *PAWNED!* Can't blame you, everyone knows who got the good looks in this family. *Go Charlie!* "

"Well, she must be desperate enough to see something in him because there's obviously some sexual tension between them.*...* " Fred nodded and added to his brother's statement.

"Quite a bit by the sound of it, too." Hermione looked like she was strangle them. *NO, not my babies, not my pretties, anything but that! NOOOO!* She took a deep breath and said each word diliberately and slowly. *Because they're a bit thick in the head*

"There. Is. No. Sexual. Tension. Between. Ron. And. I." George looked back and forth between her and Ron before shaking his head.

"No, there IS sexual tension between you guys. You're just in denial." Ron started to speak.

"No there isn't!" Fred smirked his annoying smirk and nodded his head up and down.

"And now you're in denial about being in denial." Hermione looked like she was about to cry from frustration.

"We aren't in denial about being in denial!" The two twins laughed.

"And now you're in denial about being in denial about being in denial."

"Ughh! We are NOT in denial about being in denial about being in denial! And don't you dare say that we're in denial about being in denial about being in denial about being in denial! *...This is SOOOOO famaliar. Seriously, it's scary...almost like whoever wrote this story stalked me and bugged out phone(So Quaag...how about that Pat?)* " She glared at them very intensely. They laughed again. *MAUHAHAHAHA!*

"If you say so..." They said together, making her make a sound like an angry cat. *Hiss, hiss, I am an angry cat, hiss*

"There is no sexual tension between me and Hermione." "Hermione and I" she corrected. "because *DUN, DUN, DUNNNNN* I'm gay! *Yeah, because NO ONE saw that coming.* I was gonna ask her what she knew about pleasuring a man! *...whoever wrote this has serious problems. Loser, she probably has some stupid name like...Harvey the Wonder Hamster or something. Pfft* " Everyone except Harry and Ginny looked shocked at that. Ron stared at them, panting, for a moment before he clapped a hand over his mouth, eyes wide. Harry turned to Ginny.

"You knew?" She shrugged.

"He never told me but I say *saw..need to fix that* him checking out Flint's ass the one day. How did you know?" He shrugged.

"He's my roommate. I heard him moaning Sirius's name the one day...*...I'm not even gonna say anything* " He trailed off. She nodded understandingly.

"I've heard him too." Hermione slowly turned to Ron with tears in her eyes.

"You're gay...? You don't...like me? I'm not...not, attractive enough for you? I..." Ron looked uncomfortable.

"Sorry, Mione I just..." She glared at him, wiping away tears. *Nice going Ron!*

"Don't worry Ronald! I understand. You don't think I'm attractive enough. Let me guess, I'm SOO ugly that I made you swear off women, didn't ?" *overeaction*

"I-" Ron started but she had already grabbed her book and ran up the stairs, crying. Harry shook his head.

"Way to go Ron. We almost had two straight days without a fight." *That would've been a record from the previous 32 hours* He went up the boy's staircase, muttering under his breath. Ginny stood up.

"I'm gonna go make sure she's alright, since this git made her cry..." Grabbing her potion's homework, she cast one more angry *hiss, hiss* glance at Ron before running upstairs. The boys stared at each other for a moment in silence.

"Well, nice and awkward as this is, Feorge and me have to...wash our house elf. *Question mark* Excuse us." They too left Ron who stared at all the random, unmetioned people looking at him.

"Well, time to check out Malfoy, the sexy ferret." *yeahhhhh, you go boy!*

It's sooooo much fun commenting on your own stories...I like birdhouses. Do you like birdhouse? I have a blue one and a red one and I'm building a yellow one! Maybe I should put sparkles on it. That would be soo cooool. And flowers. Because flowers are MANLY!...and pink, but shhh! don't tell me. I don't know that. It's a secret. A very secret secret. Shhhhhh...LA LA LA DA DA LA DA DO DO DOO LA DA Oh God, I'm tired I should wuit typing before I write something really stupid...like my SECRET IDENTITY! Or someone elses...like The Quaag's. That name is SOOOO dramatic. Silly Quaag..I'm sorry, THE Quaag...GO SUPERMAN! Marvel Rocks, boo DC! Stan Lee forvever and ever and ever and ever and ever and EVER! Because Stan Lee has white hair and is therefore cool! YAYAYAYAYAYA! Okay...bedtime...no, I'm not tired. Silly me, thinking I'm tired...


End file.
